The Rain is Falling
by Nagaresaki
Summary: After Kuja 'dies' he thinks about Zidane, his love...
1. The rain is Falling

Disclaimer: All of Final Fantasy 9 characters belong to Squaresoft. Not me…Damn! So don't sue me!  
  
Warning! This fic has yaoi implications. Seriously! It is from Kuja's point of view, thinking about Zidane…  
  
1 THE RAIN IS FALLING  
  
Part 1  
  
The rain is falling…  
  
And I am walking. I am walking by myself. Alone. Empty. Silent…  
  
My life is now over, forever. Why? I am not sure.  
  
All I remember was Zidane saying last goodbyes and me warping him to safety… then…nothing… just swirling mist and darkness…  
  
What have I done? My brother… what happened to him? Where is he now? I don't know and I can't.  
  
I am walking…  
  
Through desert seas… past black pools of ooze… across oceans of mist and nowhere…  
  
Who am I? Why am I here? I don't know how… how to… I can't. Is this a prison? Or is this a nightmare, born of devilish whims and fantasies? I am unsure… Who? Is it Garland? Is it Necron? No not possible… He…they're gone now… Terra's gone as well… My home, my land, my world… Why? Why did I do it? I stumble on… When will this end? Where will it stop? Maybe never, perhaps soon…  
  
The rain is falling…  
  
Softly wetting my cheeks, soaking me… It smells like the rust of a hundred battles fought through centuries… I cannot fathom this meaning… My head is swirling like the fogs ahead, around me… My name… Kuja? My identity? Naught… Zidane…  
  
I am caught in this rain… in this misery and loneliness… I need… I need… Zidane…  
  
Zidane… The only one who understands…the only one who cares… He who forgives me… The one I love… The first and last one… No one… ever… cared… Never, only… him. My angel, guardian…My love, my darling love… I left him, denied him, abandoned him… My brother… Why did I do it? Is it right? Is it a horrible mistake to leave him with… the princess, now queen… Garnet loves him as much as me… At least…he has someone there for him…  
  
The rain is falling…  
  
My heart is falling…sinking with desire for Zidane… I wish for his body…close…warming me in this cold, dusty rain… Where? Where is he? My heart is breaking, my body is shaking. My knees give way and I sink into the sodden mud beneath my feet. I feel myself trembling, with fear, humiliation and desire…desire for my brother… I don't care if they knew… I want him… my heart burning for him… Why? I am lightheaded with passion and exhaustion… Zidane!!!  
  
-to be continued  
  
Well, what did you think? A little sappy? Or really sweet? Review this, please! 


	2. Illusions of you

Disclaimer: All of Final Fantasy 9 characters belong to Squaresoft. So don't sue me!  
  
Warning! This fic has yaoi implications. Seriously! It is from Kuja's point of view, thinking about Zidane… Later there might be NC-17, so…you know… well…do I have to say this? FINE! It may contain er… ah, never mind! We'll get there!  
  
1 Part 2  
  
Illusions of you  
  
The rain continues to fall… monotonously… in this alien world… Is this a world? Or is this a country? Or nowhere at all… I wish this were a dream…I wish this would end. Why am I here? Why? Is this death? Is this how it's supposed to be? NO! It can't…I won't believe it… there must be a way out…somewhere…  
  
Zidane, I shout out, where are you, my brother… Where is he? Sobs chokes through my throat, tears trickles down my cheeks…hot tears, burning with…anguish? Desire? Hunger? I am crying, weeping softly on the ground… my head spinning, my eyes dancing with a million stars… I try to get up, unaware of my exhaustion… I have gone beyond fatigue, beyond the hope of ever finding my way…out…  
  
Thunder rolls in the distance…  
  
I never should've chosen to die…why did I do it? What made me? Tripping and slipping, I made it to the edge…finally…  
  
I couldn't feel my legs anymore, none of my limbs, not even my body… I sway a little, unsteadily… and I fell. My head is painful…throbbing with intense blazing stings… No longer can I stand this…this is not death… but soon…  
  
Lightning flashes…  
  
I look up and among the leaden clouds; I see your face… smiling…comforting…  
  
Zidane… you're alive… I hear your sweet voice echoing inside my mind… ringing like clear bells on a wedding day… I want to touch that face… I want to feel that voice, the breath…Zidane… I reach out to you… to be with you… I don't what to let you go…never again…I promise… But you are fading, that image of beauty is fading…NO! Come back, Zidane. You whisper delicately my name…once… Kuja… I scramble to my feet and rush to your vanishing features… I did not see… the chasm beneath…  
  
ZIDANE!!!  
  
Sunlight sparkles in the water…  
  
I open my eyes and stared at the sunlight…beautiful… rays of warmth penetrates me… Where am I? I sit up. Zidane! I see you walking towards me… gazing intently into my eyes… I stare back, dreamily… mentally urging you to hurry…  
  
However… you seem to get further and further away… vanishing among the white-hot beams of the expanding sun… Zidane!  
  
Sorry, but I'll finish this soon. Is this getting a little boring? If so, please tell me by reviewing. Any suggestions? I am planning on making the rest NC-17. Should I? 


	3. I Believe

Disclaimer: All of Final Fantasy 9 characters belong to Squaresoft. Not me… Damn! So don't sue me!  
  
Warning! This fic has yaoi implications. Seriously! It is from Kuja's point of view, thinking about Zidane. I decided to be kind and not include anything NC-17ish. SO… well Kuja comes around and… er…read on… heh heh heh… ^_~  
  
Part3  
  
I Believe  
  
As the light fades, I feel myself consumed by darkness…falling… endlessly…  
  
Zidane's face flashes before my eyes…his voice, musical notes to my aching ears, spreads like affectionate kisses through me… I shiver at the feeling… it seemed so real…yet wrong…  
  
Zidane… why do you have to go whenever I find you? Please stay… don't leave…Zidane… I am pining for you, my love… please hear my voice… Zidane… I know you're not gone… where are you, my brother? Why won't you wait for me, my angel? Do you hate me? Please tell me…  
  
I woke… in darkness. Damp air heavy against me. Moist grass underneath, causing me to shiver. Zidane? I did not look around, for fear of seeing your face, driving me mad for you. I know if I see you again, I would die… for you will not stay and comfort me… I don't understand… why are you doing this to me… I am angry at you, hating your cruel existence, yet I love you as a brother and my love… I cannot decide…  
  
The icy wind bites into my face, stinging my cheeks… I know I am lost… I still cannot understand… What kind of a dream is this? Will it end? Where are you, Zidane?  
  
I slowly get up… pain sears through my body, forcing me to scream… I must have fallen very deep…somewhere below that cliff… Who and what made me do it? Zidane…  
  
It is then…I hear the footsteps, echoing around me…hollowly… slowly, it approaches… I wait… not realizing I am holding my breath…painfully… I see a shape… emerging from the frosty mist…barely visible… I squint, trying to make out who… it looks vaguely familiar…the shape, so like mine…that way of walking, those long, confident, yet cautious steps of a thief… a brother…Zidane…  
  
I feel faint… you are here…at last… my heart thumps against my chest, faster and more eager… urging you to hurry… Zidane… I made an attempt to rise, but my ribs cracked…I gasp, eyes watering… hazy with pain…  
  
Arms slips around me, lifting me slightly…then gradually laying me down… through the miasma of pain I gaze up…Zidane!  
  
My cracked lips try to bring forth sound, but it freezes on the edge of my tongue… I chock…more tears softly roll down my cheeks… falling unto the arm beneath my head… just one drop… the other lingers on my face… a finger gently brushes it away…  
  
I hear my name… on lovely lips… been whispered… by…him…  
  
  
  
Kuja...  
  
What you did was wrong...  
  
But you gave me one thing...  
  
Hope...  
  
We were created for the wrong reason...  
  
But you alone defied our fate...  
  
I do not want to forget this...  
  
I want your memory…  
  
To live on forever inside me …  
  
To remind me that we were not  
  
Created for the wrong reason --  
  
That our lives have meaning…  
  
Zidane… his words touch me within… somewhere deep underneath my skin… inside my mind… is it true? Did I do that? Does he really mean it? I want to believe and… I will… I can feel his hands stroking my face…fingers running smoothly through my hair… engulfing me in his embrace… I smile… for the first time…since…  
  
1.1 Kuja…  
  
I still love you…  
  
More than ever…  
  
I couldn't forget…  
  
Brother…  
  
The love you showed me…  
  
The understanding and forgiveness…  
  
I don't care what you did…  
  
I love you for who you are…  
  
But…  
  
We must part  
  
Forever…  
  
We are different…  
  
Our souls cannot mix…  
  
Yet…  
  
If you pray truly from your heart…  
  
We will meet again  
  
When we are reborn…  
  
Let your heart decide…  
  
Let it guide you…  
  
Kuja…  
  
No matter how hard…  
  
No matter how painful…  
  
Don't give up…  
  
The last and only thing I can give you  
  
Before we part  
  
Is this…  
  
Tender lips touch mine… Zidane… I open my mouth gratefully… it seemed only his kiss can quench my hunger and thirst… Like a new world opening up to me… The kiss will stay with me… but he is gone… not for long… I know… I believe him… I will be with him… and our hearts will always be together… our love will continue… for eternity… beyond time… further than death… nothing…nothing will ever come in our way… … …  
  
-fin  
  
What did you think? I think it's strange. But one thing is real… Love… well I'm not going to give away the whole plot for those who skipped the story… Ahem! Well anyway, if you HAVE read this final part… what did you think? Review! 


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